The Beginning

The beginning. Beginnings can be beautiful. My two children were born into this world and it was breathtaking. My marriage to a handsome man who gave his yes to a life with an eccentric and often unpredictable me...beautiful (don't tell him about the coffee stains that were on my veil!). Starting a new school year with fresh eyes, new clothes and new yellow pencils with crisp tips...beautiful. However the beginning of other things have been dark and frightening. The beginning of my miscarriage felt that way. The dark pool of loss I swam in after her death and the other deaths in my family (I lost 5 relatives between 2006 and 2013) led to a pain that at the time no one would describe as beautiful. Drowning would have been a better description. I know that it really was only my faith that rescued me (isn't that the way it works...I needed to be dragged through mud before I could discover I needed help). I don't claim to have done it well or even that it was somehow the "way to do it," but it was something that through prayer His Grace accomplished. Nothing else explains the healing I experienced (I thank God for the Eucharist and the abundant healing He has blessed me with through His own Body and Blood). And, following my miscarriage I learned a great deal about the beauty of suffering. So in any suffering there is beauty ( Even the beauty of crying your eyes out in a pillow while praying the rosary over and over again). 

I'm calling my beginning beautiful even though it may not seem so to the naked eye.

My journey has started this week even though the suffering and discomfort started a while back. In fact my mother battled something similar when I was a child so I suppose my journey started before I knew this was in my future. She was diagnosed (after jumping around to several doctors) with Candida. I read online that some doctors have lost their license in the past for diagnosing it. I actually have no idea if I have it or not. I do know that after starting the diet I'm calling "Kill the Yeast" that I have had relief. So do I have an overgrowth? Is it my appendix or gallbladder? That was the possible diagnosis I received at the doctor's office. I do watch the fever and the pain in case he is right. I just think some of my symptoms can't be explained by just my appendix. Either way I'm tired of feeling terrible. Antibiotics made it worse. I am my mother's daughter and given I'm developing food allergies at the same age she did and having the same symptoms she had...perhaps our problems are the same. 

The symptoms I've had range from abdominal discomfort/pain, bloating, low fever, dizzy/fuzzy feeling, headaches, fatigue, nauseated mornings/generally nauseated, tingling in my hands/feet, arm pain, heart palpitations, severe pms, depression, mood swings, food cravings (especially cheese, carbs and chocolate), back pain, neck pain, frequent urination and bowel changes. Plenty of crazy stuff! Honestly some of it could be crossing lines...I'm sure not all of it could be connected. Although on the other hand it could. When I went to the doctor I was focused on my acute symptoms because I was concerned about a heart attack. No heart attack...just stress on my heart...possibly from infection. Yet all my blood work was normal (Thyroid/CBC/Metabolic). So no infection...but kept on the antibiotics which made my yeast issues worse. *SIGH* I read that Candida can mess with your hormones so that also might explain a lot of the symptoms that look like "pregnancy". I've had some people say adrenals...honestly I'm exhausted from thinking about it (that and stress is a part of my life, I don't really have a means of eradicating it! Maybe all the hot tea will help. HA!). I want to do something. 

I'm following a strict Anti-Candida diet to kill of a possible yeast overgrowth in my intestines. No sugars or sweeteners (not even artificial ones---chemicals), no grains or anything likely to turn to sugar (like potatoes), no fruit, no moldy stuff (like peanuts and cheese/dairy---except cultured plain yogurt), no caffeine and no red meat (not for the Candida but for possible Endometriosis/Estrogen dominance/pms symptoms I limit red meat and soy). I read on another site it is best to avoid tap water so I'm doing that as much as possible. I'm taking pro-biotics and drinking lots of herbal tea without sweetener. I'm still looking into anti-fungals and may take an herbal blend like "yeast fighters." 

Honestly, I started this blog because I know my own weaknesses. I really do. I have, in the past, gained a ridiculous amount of weight during my pregnancies and was considered obese for 4 years. I lost 60 pounds and became a runner. Following the 3rd pregnancy and miscarriage I had 20 pounds back that have haunted me and with my health issues lately I haven't had much energy to devote to working on losing the weight I gained back. So...I need this blog to remind me that I want to feel better and that eating a bowl of cereal or putting honey in my tea isn't worth it for the next 3 months if I'm serious about getting better. Not losing weight...getting better. I want to feel better. If this doesn't really work and my appendix goes so be it. But in the end I know this process will teach me to be better, to be disciplined and to realize that this suffering is a chance to grow and heal. I am a terrible blogger so I hope to post meals, progress and just emotional ups and downs here. Hopefully throughout this blogging experience I will also become a better blogger. Well, we can hope.

In Christ's Mercy,

Evie